CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF A LOVED ONE
When we lose somebody dear to us, it is overwhelming and distressing. We cannot believe that life will ever be able to continue without them. Not for nothing is the poem, ‘Funeral Blues’ by W. H. Auden so popular.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
W H Auden
The arranging of the funeral and the wake after can take up our emotional energy and we find it almost impossible to process everything. Often, not everybody who wishes to attend can make it and we are left with something that seems half finished. “If only we had been able to say this” or “I forgot to mention that” can be heard in the weeks after.
For many, the funeral does represent closure of course, however, for some there is so much more to share, so many more memories and stories than there is time for during a service.
This is where a Celebration of Life comes into its own. There are occasions when a funeral is not possible and the family and friends are left in a vaccuum because there is something about the ritual of saying goodbye that helps us to move forward, however impossible that may yet seem.
In my line of work, a Celebration of Life is one of my favourite things to work on. Often it takes place months after the funeral and people feel able to share stories and they might find forgotten photographs. There is something beautiful about coming together with the common purpose of honouring a life that has many ripples and facets.
Working with you, I create a lasting memorial for the deceased, a time when we bring together many colleagues and friends alongside family in a lovely venue, maybe at somebody’s home or a local church, village hall, a park they regularly visited, favourite pub or restaurant, or maybe hotel or even a sporting venue. There is time to play much loved music, to speak about the person, to share photographic memories and much more.
I am adept at creating a PowerPoint slide show which can mix in music and videos and although this does take a lot of my time, I love the creative process of making something which has a professional feel. I also create a longer version without sound, to be played while there is food and drink and this is a time when people watch and comment on a photo or smile at a memory.
We can also have an open mic session where anybody can stand up and recount their thoughts and hopefully an amusing story or two.
As a celebrant, I can take the pressure off hosting the event and provide some structure for the early part of the day/evening. It sets up the atmosphere if you like and then as the event progresses there might be some activity that is associated with the deceased. However you choose to remember collectively, it will be my pleasure to help you with organising something suitable.
I have witnessed so many times when family and friends feel that at last they have been given the opportunity to process much more about the person, and this has helped them find some peace, whereas before they might have still been struggling. As much as anything it is a joy to hear more about the loved one from other perspectives.
Our deep grief may take time to process, but feeling the warmth and respect from others goes some way towards helping the healing begin.
Should this be something that appeals, then I would be delighted and privileged to hear from you.
PREDECEASED CELEBRATION
Just a note to say that nowadays, the idea of celebrating a life with the person present is becoming more popular. If somebody has a terminal illness but is still relatively able, there is now a thought that getting together to provide some precious memories with the person while they are still alive, means they have an opportunity to hear how loved and regarded they are and create further precious memories.
