The first days following a death are deeply upsetting and just when you are at your most vulnerable, you are required to organise a funeral for the deceased. This can be highly stressful, and is where I can help to steer you through an overwhelming time.
As an independent celebrant, I am not affiliated to any one particular Funeral Director and therefore if you would like me to work with you, please contact me directly here. Many relatives don’t know they can actively choose their celebrant. Say you have chosen me, and then I liaise with the director. They know this is always a possibility; you are not going against any ‘rules’. First let’s look at what options are available.
FAITH CEREMONIES (no celebrant)
If you belong to a church or religious community, you will follow those rituals and be guided by your priest. If, however, in honouring your loved one, you do not wish to follow any religious practice, then you will probably opt for a cremation.
CREMATION CHAPEL (celebrant led)
Most of you will have attended a service at a cremation site with the coffin and mourners. As a celebrant it has been my privilege to work alongside the family to create a fitting ceremony on many occasions. I guide the deceased relatives so they can say their farewells in a dignified and sometimes even joyful way. It is an opportunity to celebrate a life and remember. This usually involves favourite music, poems and a eulogy from the family, which either a chosen family member reads, or I am asked to read on their behalf. I help the family put together the order of service and liaise with the funeral director.
For a more detailed look please download my brochure on the link below.
Sometimes the family wish for a private moment around the coffin after the chapel has emptied for example and the worst thing is for that moment to be rushed. I have found that once people start thinking about the ceremony and how best to honour their loved one, more gets added. By the time the family gets to me, they have already booked a single slot. If you think you might need longer, please do see if a double slot is available. It won’t usually cost you double the price, and it allows time for the visual tribute, 2 -3 eulogies, poems and music.
One thing of which you need to be aware is that, necessarily, cremation chapels have time constrictions and adhere strictly to these. It can feel very stark when faced with this and you will probably be told that you have a 45 minute slot.
What is not clear is that this includes the arrival of the hearse and then entering the chapel. Actually, the time for the service is about 30 minutes because, depending on the number of mourners, you will need to allow 10-15 minutes for people to arrive and depart. I have had family members speak a prayer or say a blessing and grandchildren sing a cappella or record an item to be played. More often than not the single space is perfectly adequate and you can fit in an amazing amount into the time. I say all this because crematoriums operate a system of fines and these occasionally make the press.
NATURAL BURIAL SITES (celebrant led)
Natural burial sites are becoming increasingly popular for their ecological status. Care is taken to preserve the ecology with certain materials and none indigenous flora and fauna are banned. They are often a mix of woodland and field and will sometimes have a place to hold a ceremony. The picture is of Clandonwood Natural Burial ground near Guildford, and they have the luxury of a stunning glass pavilion, where I have taken a couple of ceremonies, and this is the site where my parents-in-law have their ashes laid to rest. For one ashes ceremony we had a simple ceremony with music and readings in the pavilion and then walked across the fields to the wood where we lay the ashes of a lady, and her cat, and had a short graveside poem and committal. You can usually have some kind of plaque to commemorate the spot, again each site has their regulations around this to control the environment. They make a lovely and environmentally- considerate alternative.
CELEBRATION OF LIFE CEREMONY (celebrant led)
There are times when, either through a direct cremation, or if the deceased has willed their body to science, there is no obvious chance to say ‘goodbye’, and this can feel very strange. As humans, we want to say our farewells and recall a life and reflect on what the person means to us. Not everybody has a positive relationship with the person who has left, yet it is amazing how the drive for some kind of ritual remains.
I rather like organising these events with the family because it can be anywhere. I have taken ceremonies in hotels and in village halls and even a school hall. It is an opportunity for people to have a little more time to bring together family and friends who may live further way; sometimes people organise it to coincide with a visit from family who normally reside abroad. I am happy organising a picture tribute to music and can add in text or video footage. There is no time limit so I often suggest having a moment when anybody can get up and speak about their memories and tell stories. The occasion is usually less fraught and while tinged with sadness, has a positive energy about it. With food and drink available, the whole atmosphere really does celebrate life and what we get up to.
CELEBRANT FOR MUSICIANS/ACTORS
This may seem like a strange thing to say, but I think it is a general consideration. Much of my life has been in the world of classical music from opera to concerts to oratorio to recitals and I have mixed with many well known faces over the years. This means I understand this world and am not phased by working with fellow artists.
Usually a lot of people want to input and it may be streamed globally. What has come across to me on these occasions is that my experience and acceptance in this world is valued. It can be daunting seeing celebrated faces or having to work with strong personalities. I can remain focused on the job in hand, I talk the language of this world and when it comes to delivering the ceremony on the day, I have the vocal and presentation skills to help the mourners feel they are being lead by a professional. I’m sorry to say, there is little worse for a performer than to feel they could be doing a better job! We cannot help notice if somebody is struggling to find the right ‘voice’ or nervous because there is a famous face in front of them. It is our training and the exacting nature of our job.
Back in 2019, I was honoured to help organise all the music, and sing, for the funeral of the late Peter Sissons, a year or so before I became a celebrant, and have since worked to create the whole ceremony for a reasonably well known and somewhat controversial opera singer. I am not saying that someone who is a generalist funeral celebrant cannot do a great job, however, there is a level of trust when it comes to the world of celebrity, partly based on familiarity.
You will be wondering about the whole process I have a page where you can find out how it works, and I go into more detail in my brochure. Some of this is necessarily replicated. Click the link to take you to a copy. The calendar link allows you to set up a zoom meeting with me to meet and ask for me to help you, or send me a message.
